Clover Conversations 04: Mary Tighe
I’m so excited to introduce you to today’s guest: Mary Tighe. I met Mary this past spring when we both were launching our businesses! Two months after connecting, I found out I was pregnant and was really struggling with my first trimester morning (all day) sickness. Cue my need for someone like Mary to help me cope!
Mary was a huge part of my wellness toolkit and I’m so grateful our paths serendipitously crossed. Mary is compassionate, fun, relatable and really amazing at what she does. While she helped answer my MANY questions about all things pregnancy, what I truly valued was her ability to provide a listening ear when I felt like I was going a little crazy some days! She is a true gem of a human. Now, let’s get to our interview, enjoy!
Mary, for those who don't know who you are, can you share a little bit about yourself and what you do at My Better Birth?
Of course, and thanks for having me! I’m Mary (obviously): wife to Kevin, mom to McKenna and Baby #2 on the way (!!!), and human to my dog Derby. I’m Illinois-raised (go Bears!), Minnesota-educated (Go Tommies!) and now living in Cincinnati, Ohio. Through My Better Birth, I am a certified pregnancy coach where I provide support to people during their pregnancy and postpartum experiences.
Could you share with us the inspiration for launching your pregnancy coaching business, My Better Birth?
Probably as no surprise, my own pregnancy journey inspired My Better Birth. After losing my very first pregnancy, I faced anxiety, fears and insecurities every day when I was pregnant with McKenna. It was really hard and incredibly isolating. Halfway through my first trimester, I chose to take intentional steps toward a better pregnancy and birth. I found a therapist. I hired an incredible doula. I signed up for birth classes. I worked every day to reset my expectations and fears about birth. I had to learn to trust my body, trust the process and let go of control. It was hard, but worth it. McKenna’s birth was challenging, but life-changing for me. After McKenna’s first birthday, I started learning more about pregnancy, birth and postpartum outcomes, listening to more stories from friends (and strangers), and really reflecting on the narrative our society creates about growing a tiny human. I became really interested in (and passionate about) improving the birth space in my own, small way—but I wasn’t quite sure how. When a few friends jokingly asked me to be their pregnancy coach, it all clicked. What better way to improve the overall birth space than by supporting and empowering people during a scary/exciting/anxiety-filled/joyful time? I jumped into a certification program, launched my business, and started working with my first clients. And it’s the perfect fit for me.
What is your favorite part about being a pregnancy coach?
I love love love this work. I love supporting and empowering people throughout their pregnancy and postpartum journeys. I love helping them set goals (and holding them accountable). But most of all, I love witnessing my clients’ growth, listening to the hard moments, and celebrating the happy ones. Pregnancy can feel so isolating, so my favorite part of being a pregnancy coach is walking alongside people through their journeys. I feel so honored to hold space for my clients, reassuring them that they are never alone.
You are a mom to a darling little girl (and pregnant with your second!)! What was your experience like during pregnancy and what do you wish you knew then that you now know?
Being McKenna’s mom is the absolute best! But pregnancy was hard on my mental health. Starting in my first trimester, I thought that I should always feel grateful, excited, happy, and positive. When I instead felt so many conflicting emotions, it was confusing. Why wasn’t I happy all the time? Maybe I wouldn’t be a good parent. Maybe I didn’t deserve to be pregnant. Maybe my baby wouldn’t feel loved. Obviously, none of that was true. It’s healthy to feel a range of emotions -- especially while growing a baby. I wish I would have known that going into pregnancy: that it’s ok to not feel positive vibes all the time. It’s ok to be super excited now and anxious later. I wish I could tell myself to embrace all the feelings because those emotions—whatever they are—were real and valid.
What are some of the common themes or challenges you see with clients on their pregnancy and/or postpartum journey?
Pregnancy is hard! And, especially for first-time parents, pregnancy is uncharted territory. It’s impossible to know what to expect, and that makes it hard to know what is “normal” or not. While my clients experience different pregnancies, they all face the unknowns. Everyone has moments of doubt, fear, and anxiety mixed among the excitement that comes with growing a tiny human. And in case you’re wondering: you’re definitely not the only person calling your midwife or OB during off-hours with questions about a weird twinge or pregnancy-approved sinus medicine.
Who would benefit from working with a pregnancy coach like yourself? What are the areas in which you can provide support?
Everyone could benefit from a pregnancy coach! Everyone deserves the extra support they need during pregnancy. The best part of coaching is that you get personal support based on your individual needs. If you need an open ear, I’m here for it. If you want advice about nutrition and exercise during pregnancy, I can help. If you want an accountability buddy, I’ve got you covered. At the end of the day, I want to help you become the best version of you during your pregnancy. I want to help you define what a better pregnancy, birth and postpartum experience means for you, so we can take intentional steps throughout the next 9+ months to get you there.
What are your top 3 self-care tips for moms-to-be during pregnancy? (Whether that's a practice, mantra, product, ritual, meal prep routine, etc.)
Self-care during pregnancy depends on listening to and taking care of your mind, body and soul. It’s about setting aside intentional time to relax, reenergize and center yourself. The perfect self-care rituals for one person might not be right for someone else. When I was pregnant with McKenna, my go-to self care was epsom salt baths, daily affirmations, morning walks, an occasional swim and overnight oats. This pregnancy, sometimes I need a quiet hour by myself to watch Gilmore Girls on Netflix after chasing around a toddler all day. My best advice during pregnancy is to find self-care practices that work for you and then treat yourself.
What are some practical ways moms-to-be can set themselves up for success physically, mentally and emotionally for the "fourth trimester" and beyond?
This is such an important question! Everyone plans ahead for baby supplies. We all set up the crib, buy the pacifiers and stock up on diapers. But honestly, the first step to a successful fourth trimester is to plan for yourself. Consider how you can rest and recover (I love the 5-5-5 Rule). Think about who might be able to lend extra support to run errands or hold the baby while you nap. Make sure you have someone who can check in on you from time to time. Stock your freezer and pantry with nutritious foods to keep you well-nourished. We all plan for birth and the newborn stage. Planning for the fourth trimester is equally important.
What's your favorite part of motherhood thus far?
I love that I get to witness McKenna’s entire life, seeing all the big and small moments, and helping her learn to navigate the world. Every day, she’s learning, growing and discovering more of her own personality. Of course, motherhood is a lot of work. Especially with a toddler, every day is a new challenge. But it’s also a constant opportunity to learn and grow, not only as a mom, but as a human.
What else would you like us to know about your work at My Better Birth and the pregnancy journey in general?
If you’re unsure, anxious or scared, you are not alone. I believe you can do big, brave things if you set your mind to it. And it’ll be worth it. If you’re pregnant and interested in some extra support, I’d love to meet you! You can check out @mybetterbirth on Instagram or find time to connect virtually here. I’m always willing to lend an open ear!